Funniest Fringe jokes – 2015 update

Winner: Darren Walsh: “I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans free.”
My favourites:
Dave Green: “If I could take just one thing to a desert island I probably wouldn’t go.”
Ally Houston: “Let me tell you a little about myself. It’s a reflexive pronoun that means ‘me’.”
(Also from BBC readers’ comments, No 62: “People complain about autocorrect but it’s helpful 99% of the titties.”)

Winner: Tim Vine: “I’ve decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.”

Winner: Rob Auton: “I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa.”
My favourites:
Alfie Moore: “I’m in a same-sex marriage… the sex is always the same.”
Tim Vine: “My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island. I said to him ‘Don’t be Sicily’.”
Marcus Brigstocke: “You know you are fat when you hug a child and it gets lost.”

Winner: Stewart Francis: “You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks.” (This doesn’t seem funny to me even after finding out on the Web who Posh and Beck are.)
My favourites:
Will Marsh: “I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister.”
George Ryegold: “Pornography is often frowned upon, but that’s only because I’m concentrating.”

Winner: Nick Helm: “I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.”
My favourites:
Matt Kirshen: “I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’. So we stopped playing chess.”
Alan Sharp: “I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure.”
DeAnne Smith: “My friend died doing what he loved … Heroin.”
(But perhaps the joker of the year should have been a David Copp, a tourist complaining that his children, upon encountering crates od dead crabs and fish in the harbour of Ilfracombe, Devon, “were quite distressed by it”.)

Winner: Tim Vine: “I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.”

Winner: Dan Antopolski: “Hedgehogs – why can’t they just share the hedge?”
My favourites:
Paddy Lennox: “I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: ‘This could be interesting’.”
Simon Brodkin: “I started so many fights at my school – I had that attention-deficit disorder. So I didn’t finish a lot of them.”



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