So on Tuesday last I was limping with suspicion of diabetes, and depressed and anxious enough for counselling. But I killed the insect in the kitchen, and it occurred to me that I might still be eligible for housing benefit. That was a morale booster indeed. Another came the very next day, when at the JCP they told me that I could reapply for JSA as well. Finding myself later on near the Cathedral I couldn’t help going in to sit and meditate there for a while.
Having found out I might still have time enough to manage to stay here, life was gradually beginning to be about more than mere physical survival. Bit by bit I was becoming interested again in the news, the city, languages and so on. I even began blogging again . . .
Sure, benefits are no remedy for loneliness and thanatophobia, and I may still fail to find a job and be forced to leave. But at least I care again. At least I’m determined to fight again.