Here in the valley of indecision

So I have a job again. Somewhat unusually, even this early I can’t decide if I want to stay there. I’m definitely glad I’ve got it; at the same time I’m rather uncertain whether I care to keep it for much longer.

Some of the advantages are obvious: I have an income, the employer pays my health insurance, and I have physical exercise, which I have been sorely missing for the last three months but generally can’t force myself to undergo without being paid for it. The other important pros are that no radio plays there, and that working mostly with foreigners from the east with little knowledge of languages I know my mates don’t tend to try and force me into uninteresting conversations about this country or their lives.

The disadvantages are, however, just as great. For one thing, I don’t know what to expect on my payslip. (The not uncommon practice of dividing pay into a ‘low but for-granted’ part and a ‘flexible’ one which can be quite high but also a zero, depending on the particular month’s success of the firm.) As importantly, every other week means six ten-hour shifts, starting on Sunday night and ending on Saturday morning. In effect this means just one day-off a week, and during the night shift week often not enough time for even keeping track of what’s new and my daily quota of language studies, let alone anything else (yes, including blogging).

In addition, it’s a team work. That is to say, you can’t work at your own speed. If the others prefer (as they do) to work fast for one half-hour and loiter for the next one, you can’t just go slowly and steadily for an hour. I’m not sure I have the necessary motivation for getting used to this.

So a few times each shift I alternately tell myself ‘next week I’m giving my notice’ and ‘no, it’s gonna be alright’. Fact is, at the moment I have no idea whether I’ll stay there one more day, week, month or year. Time alone can tell.



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